"One comment I have heard repeatedly in the last few days in bars and public libraries ... is, 'Now that you're free, Bill, why don't you run for office?' Which, I tell you, coming from television, I can't figure out if they mean that as a step up for me, or more like, 'Hey, man, you can always be a Congressman.' Anyway, the comment makes me laugh because I truly believe of all the people in this whole country who could not win an election, I am very near the top of that list. Somewhere between Father Geoghan and Al Gore. And the reason is that I have, at one time or another, insulted everybody, and I am proud of that. 'Politically Incorrect' means not political, not like a politician. And to give you an idea how unlike a politician I am, I don't even have a wife to cheat on. So when people say, 'Why don't you run for office?' or 'Why'd you get fired?' -- Folks, let me sum it up for you. I think religion is bad and drugs are good. I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting. I think stereotypes are true, abstinence is a perversion, Bush's lies are worse than Clinton's, and there is nothing sexy about being old or pregnant. I think September 11th changed nothing, and if I had known the onset of war would add 100 points to George Bush's IQ, I would have started one. I think pornography stops rape, I think AIDS ribbons are stupid and flag burning makes me feel patriotic. I think death is not the worst thing that can happen to you, I think people have too much self-esteem, and being drunk is funny. I think children are not innocent, God doesn't write books, and Jesus wasn't a Republican. I am for mad cow disease and against suing tobacco companies. I think girls hate each other, 'No' doesn't always mean 'No,' you have to lie to stay married, women's sports are boring, and the Olympics are gay. We'll be on for another six weeks here on ABC." -- Bill Maher